US (dir. Robert J. Wilson)
Cast: Aimee Teegarden, Frankie Faison, Joanna Cassidy, Kris Kristofferson, Rachel Nichols, Scott Cooper, Scott Wilson, Skeet Ulrich, Tom Bower, Tom Skerritt
Synopsis: One man’s journey to find his past leads him to discover the secret to one of America’s most haunting mysteries.
Review: “… the fuck was that?” was my reaction to this complete mess of a movie. If you’re ever looking for a time waster, this movie is it. With a go-nowhere plot, lackluster performances, incoherent script, and pretty horrible effects (if that’s what you want to call them), “For Sale by Owner” is one of the crappiest horror movies I have ever seen… ever.
To be honest I half expected the main character to find out that he was dead all along at the end, and not just because so many characters in the movie seemed ghostly or just kept appearing and disappearing in certain scenes, but because the main character (Will, the buyer of the titular house sold by its owner) wears the same outfit for what seems like the entire second half of the movie. He wears the same purple polo shirt with a stain on it over a long-sleeved white shirt and jeans combo for what feels like the whole fucking movie. Either it was supposed to tip off the audience that something was wrong with Will, or the costume department really had nothing in the budget for a second outfit for the movie’s main character, who the audience will be looking at for almost the entire duration of the movie.
Spoiler alert (not that you’d care though)… turns out he was just some nut-job in a mental institute who sort of hallucinated the whole course of events in the movie, even certain people. So essentially, he hallucinated wearing that outfit. It’s such a cop-out of an ending, but it turned out to be the only possible resolution for the whole 94 minute mess I just sat through.
Two things about this movie attracted me: the haunted house sub genre and Skeet Ulrich (yup, he’s slumming it in this movie as a prejudiced redneck). Turns out that these two draws were duds; the house isn’t really haunted (hell, there isn’t even a house) and Skeet Ulrich’s character has such a small part in the film that it’s essentially a shock his scenes didn’t just end up getting cut completely out of the movie altogether. Well, at least he got a part in something. He’s not exactly in high demand anymore, if he ever was. Shame though… I mean he went from sexy Billy Loomis in “Scream”, one of the most celebrated horror films of all time…
to uhhh… this enthralling role as one-eyed redneck “Junior” … in “For Sale by Owner”…
What a shame.
What else can this horrid movie offer? A terrible, terrible soundtrack that boasts tracks from *shudder* the Dave Matthews Band and such a convoluted, historically heavy plot that ends up making little sense in the end, even with the whole “he was in an asylum” rationale. So not only are your ears assaulted, but your mind is too. The whole plot has to deal with the Lost colony myth, which your average audience member (American or not) will more than certainly not be familiar with. In fact, despite the movie being all part of someone’s elaborate hallucination, they make an attempt to actually find an explanation for the lost colony by introducing the possibility of cannibalistic Native Americans… or something. Ugh, what a mess. You’d probably have to watch the movie to appreciate how dreadful it truly is. The sad thing is, it’s not a bad movie in the sense that there is really poor acting or poor production value, nor is it one of those so bad it’s good movies, it’s just a literal mess of a movie. I could probably just go on and on about how much of a mess this movie is, but what’s the point? “For Sale By Owner” just plain sucks.